Dreams and Nightmares

I've had some pretty crazy, unusually vivid and emotionally-compelling dreams lately. I definitely think dreams are connected to "real" life. Dreams are real. Are part of life. Anyway... Pastor Ryan read this prayer by Walter Brueggemann in church a couple Sundays ago and it really resonated with me. It's called "Dreams and Nightmares", from Prayers for a Privileged People.

Last night as I lay sleeping,
I had a dream so fair . . .
I dreamed of the Holy City, well ordered and just.
I dreamed of a garden of paradise, well-being all around and a good water supply.
I dreamed of disarmament and forgiveness, and caring embrace for all those in need.
I dreamed of a coming time when death is no more.

Last night as I lay sleeping . . .
I had a nightmare of sins unforgiven.
I had a nightmare of land mines still exploding and maimed children.
I had a nightmare of the poor left unloved,
of the homeless left unnoticed,
of the dead left ungrieved.
I had a nightmare of quarrels and rages and wars great and small.

When I awoke, I found you still to be God,
presiding over the day and night
with serene sovereignty,
for dark and light are both alike to you.

At the break of day we submit to you
our best dreams
and our worst nightmares,
asking that your healing mercy should override threats,
that your goodness will make our
nightmares less toxic
and our dreams more real.

Thank you for visiting us with newness
that overrides what is old and deathly among us.
Come among us this day; dream us toward
health and peace,
we pray in the real name of Jesus
who exposes our fantasies.

Psalm 92 Paraphrase

What is good? It is good to give thanks to God. It is good to be thankful - we have much to be thankful for. Beyond what he's given us, done for us, God deserves praise for Who he is. It is good to honor his name.

What is his name? He is the "Most High" - the highest one of all, the purest, the best. There is nothing and no one higher than him. No one better, nothing more good. He is perfection. He is the Supreme Existence. He is God. He is over all. And yet, he comes close enough to love us.

He is so near, that every morning I can get up and say confidently: "The Lord loves me!" And every night I can look back on the day and say truthfully: "The Lord has been faithful to me." Because not only is he good - he is good to me! I am so glad for all he has done. When I see all the evidence that he is at work, a song of joy fills my soul and must come out.

It's easy to see what is evil. Any one can see what is going wrong in the world. What's not so easy is to realize that evil, wickedness, and sin only last for a time. In the end, you will triumph, Lord.

Not everyone understands you. But those who do, know that you are not simple, or boring, or small, weak, insignificant. You are above and beyond everything, forever. I think I'm getting it, too - and it brings new energy to my life.

You are good. You are the solid good of my life. There is nothing about you that's not good, there is no part of you that's not good.

Lent

I could write about what I'm giving up for lent this year - I'm giving up quite a few things, actually. But the details don't matter. I was looking forward to Lent this year, and found that "giving up" some everyday things isn't actually that hard... when you have a desire to make room in your life for something More.
The following prayer has been humbling to me as I pray it, and helpful for me to take on the right spirit of the lenten season.

Litany of Penitence

Most holy and merciful Father:
I confess to you and to the whole communion of saints in heaven and on earth, that I have sinned by my own fault in thought, word, and deed: by what I have done, and by what I have left undone.
I have not loved you with my whole heart, and mind, and strength. I have not loved my neighbors as myself. I have not forgiven others, as I have been forgiven.
Have mercy on me, Lord.
I have been deaf to your call to serve, as Christ served us. I have not been true to the mind of Christ. I have grieved your Holy Spirit.
Have mercy on me, Lord.
I confess to you, Lord, all my past unfaithfulness: the pride, hypocrisy, and impatience of my life.
I confess to you, Lord.
My self-indulgent appetities and ways, and my exploitation of other people, I confess to you, Lord.
My anger at my own frustration, and my envy of those more fortunate than I, I confess to you, Lord.
My intemperate love of worldly goods and comforts, and my dishonesty in daily life and work, I confess to you, Lord.
My negligence in prayer and worship, and my failure to commend the faith that is in me, I confess to you, Lord.
Accept my repentance, Lord, for the wrongs I have done: for my blindness to human need and suffering, and my indifference to injustice and cruelty,
Accept my repentance, Lord.
For all false judgments, for uncharitable thoughts toward my neighbors, and for my prejudice and contempt toward those who differ from me,
Accept my repentance, Lord.
For my waste and pollution of your creation, and my lack of concern for those who come after us,
Accept my repentance, Lord.
Restore me, good Lord, and let your anger depart from me,
Favorably hear me for your mercy is great.
Accomplish in me and all of your church the work of your salvation,
That I may show forth your glory in the world.
By the cross and passion of your Son our Lord,
Bring me with all your saints to the joy of his resurrection.

--Adapted from the Book of Common Prayer

I'm back.

I decided to start blogging again. We'll see how it goes. :) Even if I have nothing else to say, I have plenty of things to share... like this, from the prayer book I've been using:

"Late have I loved thee, O beauty so ancient and so new; late have I loved thee: for behold you were within me, and I outside; and I sought you outside and in my unloveliness fell upon those lovely things that you had made. You were with me, and I was not with you. I was kept from you by those things, yet had they not been in you, they would not have been at all. You called and tried to break open my deafness: and you sent forth your beams and shone upon me and chased away my blindness: you breathed fragrance upon me, and I drew in my breath and I do now pant for you: I taste you, and now hunger and thirst for you: you touched me, and I have burned for your peace." --St. Augustine