If You Love Until It Hurts...

Surely you've heard the quote of Mother Teresa: "I have found the paradox that if you love until it hurts, there is no hurt - only more love."
I think it's fair to say that, I have loved until it hurts. And I would like to say that I've found her words to be true.
Other things that happen when you love until it hurts...

~You come to know yourself better
~You come to better understand, appreciate and love the world and the creatures in it called "humans"
~You are able to receive love even more
~You stop caring about some pretty insignificant things that were wasting space in your life
~You want to love more, not less
~Your mind is flooded with thoughts and memories that make you laugh and cry, and you begin to understand the co-existence of joy and sorrow
~If you believe, as I do, in the incarnation of God in the person of Jesus Christ, and that he suffered for love of the world... then you get a little, tiny glimpse of how great God's love for us really is. It's truly awesome.

Maybe it's not that the "hurt" ceases or disappears... but it is overwhelmed by the reality of all that Love really is. The pain is just a symptom... evidence... of the thing that matters most of all.

Love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous; love is never boastful or conceited; it is never rude or selfish; it does not take offence, and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins but delights in the truth; it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes. Love does not come to an end.

Everyday Tragedies of War

(Above: Third-generation-refugees growing up in Deheisha Refugee Camp near Bethlehem, West Bank.)
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It is sad to me that, anymore, when we speak of war it's mostly in political and economic terms. Most of us have no better frame of reference for truly understanding the impact war has on this world. While I don't want to forget the real lives, including the lives of many people I met while visiting the West Bank last year, that are affected by war, I do want to point out some of the glaring injustices that have been brought to my attention, particularly regarding the U.S.'s involvement in (basically) subsidizing Israel's illegal occupation of the Palestinian Territories.
From a great report by The Only Democracy?:

In terms of how Israel chose to fund the ongoing Occupation, with much help from the U.S., we learn that "there were still other routes the government could have taken, such as increasing the capital gains tax; raising income tax for the upper income brackets – or at least not reducing it; imposing a war loan; cutting the salaries of senior government officials, local government officials, and high-ranking military officers; cutting the ‘fat’ in the military budget; or reducing government benefits to well-to-do sectors of the population, among them residents of the Israeli settlements in the Palestinian territories. The option chosen was to make cuts whose main effect was to lower the standard of living of Israel’s middle and lower classes.” (emphasis mine)

This reminds me of the words sung by Derek Webb: "When justice is bought and sold just like weapons of war/The ones who always pay are the poorest of the poor."

Not only does the United States continue to give incredible amounts of "aid" to Israel ($3 billion in 2009), but "75 percent of the funds are earmarked for purchases from US industry. Consequently, it’s no wonder that the aid agreement between the U.S. and Israel has for some years now been changing the ratio of military to civilian aid, increasing the former while incrementally canceling the latter. As journalist Moti Bassok wrote in 2007,'Each year throughout the present agreement civilian aid was reduced by $120 million, while military aid grew $60 million. As of next year, annual U.S. aid will [… be] all military,' forming an integrated enabling component of Israel’s continuing and destructive militarization. It would seem that the economic and political elites of both the US and Israel have vested interests in continuing Israel’s militarization, occupation and choice of warfare." (emphases mine)

It would seem that both the U.S. and Israel have the same problem. It would seem that both countries are continuing to decrease social spending while increasing military spending. It would seem that citizens of both countries are living under and buying into "the official, as well as media, focus on national fear and ‘national security’."

I'm so glad that the way things seem to be isn't the way they have to always be.
I have hope that there are people who imagine that things can be different ...whether Israeli citizens refusing to serve in the IDF, or U.S. citizens refusing to pay income taxes in protest to funding wars; whether Christians putting themselves "in the way" of violent conflicts or pledging allegiance to Something higher than the nation-state... and I want to live my life with such imagination, so that together we can experience and share something that is different.

Psalm 92 Paraphrase

What is good? It is good to give thanks to God. It is good to be thankful - we have much to be thankful for. Beyond what he's given us, done for us, God deserves praise for Who he is. It is good to honor his name.

What is his name? He is the "Most High" - the highest one of all, the purest, the best. There is nothing and no one higher than him. No one better, nothing more good. He is perfection. He is the Supreme Existence. He is God. He is over all. And yet, he comes close enough to love us.

He is so near, that every morning I can get up and say confidently: "The Lord loves me!" And every night I can look back on the day and say truthfully: "The Lord has been faithful to me." Because not only is he good - he is good to me! I am so glad for all he has done. When I see all the evidence that he is at work, a song of joy fills my soul and must come out.

It's easy to see what is evil. Any one can see what is going wrong in the world. What's not so easy is to realize that evil, wickedness, and sin only last for a time. In the end, you will triumph, Lord.

Not everyone understands you. But those who do, know that you are not simple, or boring, or small, weak, insignificant. You are above and beyond everything, forever. I think I'm getting it, too - and it brings new energy to my life.

You are good. You are the solid good of my life. There is nothing about you that's not good, there is no part of you that's not good.

Lent

I could write about what I'm giving up for lent this year - I'm giving up quite a few things, actually. But the details don't matter. I was looking forward to Lent this year, and found that "giving up" some everyday things isn't actually that hard... when you have a desire to make room in your life for something More.
The following prayer has been humbling to me as I pray it, and helpful for me to take on the right spirit of the lenten season.

Litany of Penitence

Most holy and merciful Father:
I confess to you and to the whole communion of saints in heaven and on earth, that I have sinned by my own fault in thought, word, and deed: by what I have done, and by what I have left undone.
I have not loved you with my whole heart, and mind, and strength. I have not loved my neighbors as myself. I have not forgiven others, as I have been forgiven.
Have mercy on me, Lord.
I have been deaf to your call to serve, as Christ served us. I have not been true to the mind of Christ. I have grieved your Holy Spirit.
Have mercy on me, Lord.
I confess to you, Lord, all my past unfaithfulness: the pride, hypocrisy, and impatience of my life.
I confess to you, Lord.
My self-indulgent appetities and ways, and my exploitation of other people, I confess to you, Lord.
My anger at my own frustration, and my envy of those more fortunate than I, I confess to you, Lord.
My intemperate love of worldly goods and comforts, and my dishonesty in daily life and work, I confess to you, Lord.
My negligence in prayer and worship, and my failure to commend the faith that is in me, I confess to you, Lord.
Accept my repentance, Lord, for the wrongs I have done: for my blindness to human need and suffering, and my indifference to injustice and cruelty,
Accept my repentance, Lord.
For all false judgments, for uncharitable thoughts toward my neighbors, and for my prejudice and contempt toward those who differ from me,
Accept my repentance, Lord.
For my waste and pollution of your creation, and my lack of concern for those who come after us,
Accept my repentance, Lord.
Restore me, good Lord, and let your anger depart from me,
Favorably hear me for your mercy is great.
Accomplish in me and all of your church the work of your salvation,
That I may show forth your glory in the world.
By the cross and passion of your Son our Lord,
Bring me with all your saints to the joy of his resurrection.

--Adapted from the Book of Common Prayer

I'm back.

I decided to start blogging again. We'll see how it goes. :) Even if I have nothing else to say, I have plenty of things to share... like this, from the prayer book I've been using:

"Late have I loved thee, O beauty so ancient and so new; late have I loved thee: for behold you were within me, and I outside; and I sought you outside and in my unloveliness fell upon those lovely things that you had made. You were with me, and I was not with you. I was kept from you by those things, yet had they not been in you, they would not have been at all. You called and tried to break open my deafness: and you sent forth your beams and shone upon me and chased away my blindness: you breathed fragrance upon me, and I drew in my breath and I do now pant for you: I taste you, and now hunger and thirst for you: you touched me, and I have burned for your peace." --St. Augustine

Kids just grow up too fast!

Conversation with my niece today...

Me: Oh, I want to keep you.
Adele: You can't!
Me: I can't? Who do you belong to?
Adele: (points to Carra and Jesse) Them... but you get to keep her. (points to mom)
Me: So they get to keep you forever?
Adele: (nods, then) No, they don't... they keep me while I'm a kiddo, then when I grow up, I'll come to here to you!
Me: That'll be fun!
Adele: But I'll have to go to a wedding on the way.
Me: Whose wedding?
Adele: Mine!
Me: Who are you going to marry?
Adele: .... Someone. ...A guy.
Me: Oh...
Adele: And I'll have a baby when I'm ready. Then my tummy will always be soooo big when I come here!

Summer Reading...

My schedule is getting less full (yay!) and I've been settling into some nice summer routines of enjoying the weather, enjoying people, enjoying books, and just not rushing all the time. Some of the good books I'm diving into:
"Three Cups of Tea" - the popular account of a mountain-climber who started building schools in poor villages in Pakistan. So many people recommended it, and now I see why... it blends well with what I've been learning about other, similar cultures (i.e., majority Muslim), and really makes me want to go there. (Or, just go back to Palestine.)
"Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light" - I started this a while ago, but it's one I have to read slowly, in small portions. It details her efforts to follow a "call within a call" and I think (haven't got that far yet... remembering something from the jacket cover) her experiences of great spiritual darkness during some of the most fruitful years of her ministry. What I admire most and prayerfully study is her complete devotion to Christ, seeking to quench His "thirst for love and for souls." She was always my hero. Still is.
Ok that's all for now, but I have a long list yet to come... Oh, and of course, the continuous stream of newsletters from the Middle East pouring into my gmail inbox. I half-jokingly have been telling people that I'm not aware of anything that's happening in the world unless it's in Kankakee or Palestine. But I love both of those places, so I'm content to focus on them for now.
Peace.